What is our project about?
Psychologists know all too well what happens to grown children who have been forced to eat foods they don't like. But what about clothes?

Remember yourself, your mom made you wear an unloved suit or dress, and you go out in reality for the whole day, hating the whole world and shrinking from shame and fear of being ridiculed.

Parents do not hesitate to choose clothes for the child without taking into account his desires, psychological state and inner needs. It does not matter how the child feels, the main thing is to conform to the ideas of parents, more often the mother, about the "right" appearance.

Frequent consequences for the child - deep psychological trauma, later failure in decision-making, subordination, the role of the victim, infantilization.
"When I was about 10 years old, I was bought a pink down jacket without me and I hated it, but I had to go because there was no other one, and to buy another one you had to spend money, and I didn't have extra money either. My mom was offended and upset when I didn't like her choice of clothes, and I couldn't stand my mom's offense and wore those clothes myself, just so I wouldn't upset my mom. "

Anastasia, 28
"My mom used to pick out my clothes for me and make me wear them. I've hated getting dressed and picking out clothes since I was a kid, for that very reason. First the endless pantyhose, the clothes I didn't like. Then all those second hand flea markets...All my childhood I didn't wear the clothes I wanted, and now I can wear anything I want, but I don't want anything."
Michael, 35
Everyone has meaningful memories associated with the clothes they had to wear as a child.
Perhaps the parents' choice of the child's external image led to inner conflict or shame.

Perhaps the difference in clothing for the better among peers gave bonuses in life or, on the contrary, did not allow to feel authentic in the teenage environment.

What are we researching and why?
Clothing is our "second skin", one of the ways of communication with society. It is especially important for a child in the period of growing up and forming himself as a person. The child tries to find an adequate, comfortable way of presenting himself to the world. And clothes are his daily "tool" of social communication.

We want to show parents that what they do without thinking every day can traumatize a child.

If at least someone thinks about it and stops doing it, there will be more free, self-confident people in this world.

It is not easy for our little kiddies to grow up, and we have a responsibility to help them.

  • "I love the color blue and my mom loves green."
  • "My mom wants me to look like a princess, and I want to race my bike with the boys."
  • "Our mom thinks we should always look very proper and be liked by other people."
  • "When I go for a walk, my mom puts on a white coat for me. She likes it very much, and I am very afraid of getting dirty"
Project team
The authors of the project: three people who cared-
a stylist, a psychologist, a producer.

Active support group:
all comers - photographers, artists, curator, psychologists, teachers, parents of different professions
Our studies
Personal stories
Emotional episodes from childhood related to clothing or appearance accompany us throughout our lives. They often determine our behavior patterns, unconscious reactions and emotional state.
Our study participants shared touching personal stories.
"When I was a teenager, my mother burned my favorite blouse with an iron, the only one that fit, and I looked slim in it. I roared all day, furious and desperate and hopeless. I hated my mother, who with her own hands had destroyed my last opportunity to look beautiful. And my mother understood nothing and only devalued my grief." (f, 42)
"A lot of anxiety about it, the shame, the sewn up tights, the ugly tasteless things." (m, 48)
"When I was 14 years old, my parents and I were going to visit their friends who had a son a little older than me. I wanted to look attractive and relaxed, but my mother decided to choose my own outfit, insisting that I should dress warmly for the dacha. I was not happy with her choice: the clothes were uncomfortable, ugly and not very warm, but she continued to insist. We had a very big fight and didn't go anywhere. I was very angry with her, but I also felt guilty and ashamed that I had disobeyed because the trip had gone wrong." (f, 40)
"I remember my mother taking my boots out of the closet when I was in secondary school, and when my classmates saw them, they laughed because they were clearly women's shoes and had heels. I was embarrassed because I couldn't even take them off. As a teenager, I could pick out clothes that made me feel confident, like a hero from American movies: jeans, plaid shirt, t-shirt, sneakers. Even though it wasn't new, I felt happy." (m, 42)
"There was a time when it was supposedly cold at home in the winter and I was forced to wear a thick wool sweater that tingled. I refused in every possible way, then I threw a tantrum and was locked in a dark bathroom for a while. After they let me out, I had to apologize and put on the sweater. I was disgusted with myself." (f, 31)
"My parents always bought me things without me, they were several sizes bigger. I was forced to wear them and scolded when I expressed my dissatisfaction. When I started earning money on my own for a longer period of time, I reflexively bought some unnecessary but desirable clothes just because I could buy them." (f, 34)
"I was forced to wear a jacket that my mother had sewn for me, I thought it was very ridiculous, I was ashamed to wear it." (m, 43)
"My mother let me pick out my own clothes; it was my junior high school graduation. Everyone came in prom dresses, but I wore breeches and a T-shirt. My mother was beside herself with shame, but I am still proud of myself))). I can imagine how hard it was for her to get over her principles, I appreciate that." (f, 28 )
We would be grateful if you could answer some questions and share your experiences. Maybe the answers to these questions will be useful for you too!
Do you have questions, suggestions, wishes? Write us
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